Lee Carkner
"Top Ten Signs Your Astronomy Instructor May Be Nuts"

10) The title of every lecture is: "Man, Them Stars is Hot!".

9) His so called "telescopes" are really just paper towel rolls covered in aluminum foil.

8) To illustrate the vastness of the universe, he makes everybody walk to De Moines.

7) Thinks he's married to the overhead projector.

6) Your grade is based entirely on how many ping-pong balls you can fit in your mouth.

5) His so called Drake Equation video is really just an old episode of Alf.

4) He makes everyone wear a soup pot on their head to protect the class from "Klingon mind control lasers".

3) About 90% of all classes involve dressing monkeys up to look like Jan Oort.

2) When you go to his office hours he is always hiding under the desk so that the "space squirrels" can't get him.

1) The only observing advice he ever gives is, "Keep an eye out for the mothership."

By Lee Carkner, Nov 2000

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